The Ministry of Love’s Monthly Employee Update

Nick Kolakowski
3 min readJan 27, 2018

FROM: Ministry of Love (Miniluv), Oceania
TO: All Staff
RE: It’s That Time Again!!!

Welcome to our latest monthly email update. In order to encourage teamwork and excellence in execution, we are providing you with regular communication about the latest and greatest things happening in the best little ministry in Oceania, where there is no darkness and doublethink isn’t just encouraged — it’s the rule! Thank you all again for your dedication and support of our exciting organizational initiatives!

What to Expect in the Month Ahead

If you thought Room 101 was great, just wait until you see Room 102! The phased Q2 launch is moving forward. Phase 1 includes moving rats and cages to a temporary holding area, where the little guys will get nice and fat while waiting for their new digs. In Phase 2, we’ll finish installing the new reporting apparatus, which will feature blood analysis, stress-reaction measurement, and — yes, we heard you begging — a coffee machine that actually works! Project Leaders are determining the best timeframe for these activities.

As you know, we have a new computer system for cataloging thoughtcriminals for re-education. We will begin mandatory training sessions for this new system next week. Please sign up for a session that fits your schedule, and make sure to bring along some paper so you can take notes. The system is easy to learn but there are a few “quirks” that need to be explained. You’ll get the hang of it in no time!

The Ministry of Love is always interested in building up employee skills, so we’re introducing a new packet of educational materials, available in Room 708-B. In addition to process documentation and some fun lessons, we have pamphlets on how to reduce stress, get a little exercise at your desk, and swing those newfangled jointed truncheons in a way that won’t pull your shoulder. Look for the blue folders!

Contribute to Everyone’s Success!

Remember, the Ministry of Love only succeeds when employees come to work in a supportive, positive frame of mind. There will be days when it seems as if nobody understands what we’re trying to achieve here. There will be days with lots of stress. Nobody said that molding the will of a whole population would be easy, or accomplished overnight. We all remember that incident with the barbed…

Nick Kolakowski

Writer, editor, author of 'Maxine Unleashes Doomsday' and 'Boise Longpig Hunting Club.'